Traffic Warning

Warning: Today evening, make sure you are not on any road leading to railway stations/bus stands – you will be run over and crushed to chammanthi (chutney) by the exodus of Mallus rushing back to Mallu-land for the pagan festival of Onam, where a pre-historic king, the epitome of good governance, comes back to life to check out the latest in mobile phones.

Once Bangalore is freed of its Mallus tonite, the Deccan Plateau will rise a few inches (we are not that heavy), and the State of Kerala will sink a few inches, leading to the Arabian Sea rushing in, bringing in that heady saltiness to the merchandise in low-lying toddy shops.

If you see any Mallus in Bangalore on Monday, they are either the truly liberated ones who have been freed from the glue that holds us together (coconut oil) or those who have been firmly chained down into the bonds of local reality because schools here are not closed for Onam.

So enjoy the heady higher altitude air for a few days, Bangaloreans, we will be back with sackfulls of benana chips and sharkaravaratti (a kind of sweet made out of shark) in a few days!!!

The yembire shall return, and heavier!!