Bill Tanner

• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
• I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
• No matter where you go, there you are.
• My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Drawing on my fine command of language I said nothing.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy until you can find a rock.
• Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.  
• There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
• If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.
• There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
• A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
• I am having an out of money experience.
• I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
• No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
• Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
• Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
• A closed mouth gathers no foot.
• Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 
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