Friday, June 24, 2011

Bill Tanner

  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
  • I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
  • No matter where you go, there you are.
  • My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
  • Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  • Drawing on my fine command of language I said nothing.
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy until you can find a rock.
  • Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
  • My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.  
  • There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.
  • There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
  • A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  • Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
  • I am having an out of money experience.
  • I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
  • No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
  • Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
  • Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
  • A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
 

http://www.billtanner.net/thoughts.php

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